If you give a mouse some bread ... nothing happens

Critters. If they are in their space, fine.  But once they get into my turf, it is SO not fine.  The past 24 hours have been critter-tastic in my apartment, and I am not okay with it.

As you know from the adventures of Rupert & Wanda, spiders have always been the top of my to-eliminate list.  Or, more like the to-let-others-eliminate-for-me list.  However, now that I've moved into my own apartment, I find myself lacking in macho men to squish my least-favorite friends. I live in a basement, so the population of spiders down here is not favorable at all.  The first few weeks here were real rough.  However, I can say that I have toughened up.  I have pretty much discarded my belief that upon killing a spider it will reincarnate to 3 times its size, find me, and eat me.  In fact, I have killed more spiders in the past 4 months than I have in my entire lifetime, and can now do it with only a slight twist of the stomach and the little scardy-dance.  Except for the time I got one with my hands in a tissue, and when I squeezed, something cracked.  I felt it and heard it.  AHH. No more hand-killing for me.  So for the really big, ugly ones, I have chosen to co-exist with them. I let them stay and spin their webs into corners, and then they'll leave, and I don't know where to, and I'm okay with it.  So really, the existence of nasty spiders serve as the undertone for the rest of this entry, because they are everywhere.

First, a moth entered my apartment and has been following me around since yesterday.  I first found it in the shower, and then I got out and went to my room and it was there, perched beside my bed.  Wake in the morning, still there. Back from work, still there.  To the shower, now it's there, hanging out and taking in the steam with me.  Out of the shower, back to the room.  Moth is back in the room. I seriously think this moth is tailing me.  Does this mean I have a moth pet?  I'll name it Mandy.

Only now has it occurred to me to see if the is actually two moths that haven't moved in two days.  It is.  So, that story just died.  Can we just pretend I have a moth friend named Mandy who thinks I'm awesome?  Okay, thanks.

Tonight, I was sipping on my vino and thoroughly enjoying the premiere of So You Think You Can Dance, I started hearing strange sounds from my kitchen area.  Like someone grinding teeth.  After checking for a dripping sink or something falling over in the fridge, I ignored it.  And then it appeared.  Only for a second, but long enough for me to know.  A mouse. A tiny, 3-inch mouse, alternating taking refuge from under my minifridge and between my oven and the wall.  Cue freak-out. After leaving a message with my landlady, I wasn't sure what to do.  Taking some bad advice, and thinking that it was worth a shot, I laid out a trail of breadcrumbs from the mouse's hiding spot to the door, and then sat with the door open, hoping to lure it out.  After about 3 minutes, I realized this was a terrible idea for many reasons: a) There is no way this mouse would follow a long trail, in the light, with a human present, all the way out the door.  b) I was letting in a gazillion bugs, and  c) I now had a trail of bread crumbs on my kitchen floor that I have to clean up.  Bad idea all around.  Even my supportive mother laughed at my attempt. "You're not dealing with Hansel & Gretel here," she told me.  Got it, mom.

So I'm thinking to myself, we're geting some traps in here tomorrow morning, so I only have to deal with the mystery of the wandering mouse for one night.  It's not going to hurt me and will most likely lurk in dark corners anyway, so I'm not really bothered by it.  Then my land lady told me, "well, if it's that small, that probably means there's a momma mouse somewhere."  Okay, more bothered.  Aaaand look, there's a mouse turd on my sheets. Awesome.  Definitely bothered.

And just to top it off, as I am washing my sheets, I just chased down a mosquito in my bedroom that was, no joke, the size of a half-dollar. I no doubt let it in during the bread crumb debauchery.  At first I thought it was a daddy-long-leg bouncing from a web on the ceiling it was so big. Thankfully he didn't last long--his size greatly effected his agility to escape the wrath of my sandal.  Sucker.  Literally.  Get it?!

I wish I was joking about all this. But I'm not.  I'm off to bed, where I'll probably be cuddling with a mouse all night.  Sweet dreams, everyone! Considering my track record, the bed bugs will probably bite tonight me tonight.  Hope they stay away from you.

MONDAY (5/30) NOTE: We're having so much fun already, why not add a grasshopper? Again, wish I was kidding.  And this guy is way too fast for me to catch.  Guess he's gonna join the party. Maybe they are forming some kind of secret society like in A Bug's Life...