The Day After Opposite Day, Pt. 1

My mind was a blur when I woke up this morning.  I had slept for over 12 hours, which I hadn't done since high school--and a sure sign to me that I really needed to rest my head and my mind.  It took me a second to realize why I was so exhausted.  And then I remembered about Caffie.  I opened my email and read all the messages and collection of memories my family had sent around in memory of my dog who had been put to sleep earlier that day.  I went to this very blog, and couldn't even believe my own words about her passing.   I was confused, sad, and completely unmotivated to do anything besides stay in bed and let the world pass me by.  I had promised myself the night before that I would get up early, take a walk to breathe in some fresh air and life, and not mope.  But the rain was falling and was predicted to all day, so it was another day of bed and movies on the Lappy for me.

After unsatisfactory Facebook browsing and a couple of mediocre chick flicks, I realized how sore my neck was, how greasy my hair was, and how disgustingly lazy I had become.  Today I was mourning the loss of Caffie, but this wasn't close to the first time I had wasted a day in bed.  Living alone was a challenge for me--having been surrounded by sisters and roommates all my life, I had to adjust to having just myself around.  As I began life in my one-bedroom,  I struggled with the quiet and the calm.  But what I realized today is truly how much living with other people helped keep me active and motivated.  Here, I had nobody to judge me if I spent day after lazy day with my face glued to a screen, or inspire me to get up and out. I enjoyed that freedom for a while.  But today, it slapped me in the face.

I gotta get up, I told myself.  I need to do something.  Something new.  I couldn't spend my independent adult life--a new and scary concept in itself--in bed.  I had work, but what else do I have?  It hit me that I had been making excuses to get settled here.  It's been a month and time is up!  Instead of catching onto the excitement of a fast-paced new life that was in front of me, I was letting the train pass me by.  But no!  Today, I decided, I was going to start making a life for myself.  I shot up in bed, closed my Netflix, Hulu, and Facebook tabs, and replaced them with research of dance classes, theater performances, and places to buy bikes.  This is happening.  I am going to ride this train.  No, even better, I am going to drive it.
  
Declaring it here is the only way I can think if motivating myself, since self-motivation by talking to myself hasn't seemed to help in the past.  I realized that I had totally fallen out of the boat on my monthly resolutions.  Moving and starting a new job was my excuse for February.  But no more of that.  So, this month, I decided that I will:

Once a day: Meditate and stretch

At least once a week: Attend a dance class

Absolutely ASAP: Buy a bike (and use it)

Despite the toll some of these will take on my wallet, I am hopeful that they will make up for it in reason and happiness.  Determined to get started, I got out of bed, lit the deliciously scented vanilla candle in my living room, and took some deep breaths while stretching my legs, pathetically stiff--further reinforcement that I needed a lifestyle change.  As I felt my muscles uncomfortably extend, I took some deep breaths and remembered something I a dance teacher had said during the warm-up of a dance class once: "give your body some love."  As I sat there, rolling my head to loosen my neck, stiff from staring at a laptop while reclined, rotating my toes and ankles to recall my turn-out, and massaging my thighs, I remembered why that was so important.  My body really needed some love and attention--the kind that I had deprived it of a long time.

A couple downward dogs later, I settled into a cross-legged position and, with the help of an audio guide (thank you, YouTube!), did a 10-minute meditation.  Now, I am no master at meditation, but I had read and heard from others that making it a regular part of your daily routine can have a significant positive impact on mood and perspective.  And in this time of big life changes, I will take whatever I can get in terms of solace.  I'm also a hippie at heart.

Giving myself a slap in the face (literally) and some motivation to create new habits for myself came out of many things.  Besides my shame of my inability to touch my toes like I used to, I realized that having to say good-bye to my dog had a lot to do with it, and I came to some interesting conclusions about the strange transition into adulthood. In part two, I'll try to make sense of it all.